September 25th
by angel-death-dealer
Summary: September 25th marks a day of mourning for the Storm siblings, but what is it about the anniversary of their mother's death which leaves Sue blaming her existance, and can Reed help her through this? ReedSue romance, and Johnny and Sue's sibling relation
1. Arms of an Angel

_**Hi everyone! This was meant to be a one-shot, but, as usual with mine, it became a lot longer than I intended, so this is going to be a few chapters long, maybe five or six, but it is still all going to centre around the same day. It's the day that marks the anniversary of when Johnny and Sue's mother died, and how that came to happen, and the circumstances leave Sue blaming herself as it is the fifteenth anniversary. There will be a focus on Reed and Sue's relationship, and the sibling bond between Johnny and Sue, but it's mainly about the journey that the past fifteen years has been, and how Reed can help Sue through this. **_

**_The italics are the conversations from the past, mini-flashbacks as it were, that will happen through the entire story, but less so than this chapter. There's just a lot on this one because it's meant to show what's going on in Sue's head. The regular text is the current day, and the bold text is lyrics from Sarah McLachlan's Arms of the Angels._**

**September 25th**

_"She's not breathing."_

_"Mom!"_

_"Someone get that girl out! She doesn't need to see this."_

_"Mom, wake up!"_

_"If we don't get her out soon then she's going to bleed out."_

_"Mom, Mom!"_

_"It's too late, she's gone."_

Nothing can prepare you for it. Even if you lived for a million years, you'd never be able to prepare yourself for the terrible moment when your worst nightmare becomes a certain reality. You can't think. You can't speak. All you can do is remind yourself to breathe as you take in the words that continue repeating themselves in your head. Every other possibility shrouds them, darting from the corners of your mind, trying to find a loophole; anything to change what you're being told. But nothing fits, and suddenly, none of the pieces make sense anymore, let alone fit together.

So, that's why Sue Storm once again felt like her world was falling apart.

**Spend all your time waiting for that second chance  
For the break that will make it okay**

_"Johnny, come here, kid."_

_"What's happening, Dad?"_

_"There's something I need to talk to you about?"_

_"Did Susie wake up yet?"_

_"Not yet, kid."_

_"Am I in trouble?"_

_"No, Johnny, you're not in trouble."_

_"Why do you look sad?"_

It was a little after four in the morning, and the sun hadn't yet risen outside of her bedroom window. Tears were streaming silently down her face whilst she tried to forget everything that her nightmare a moment had forced her to relive. Even though she had time to prepare for this moment every year, nothing she ever tried made this day easier. Nothing helped her to deal with the aching pain that appeared in her heart on that date of the year.

But things had changed since then. She was no longer the eleven year old weakling that had broken down completely one too many times over the situation. Fifteen long and hard years had passed, leaving her a concrete wall of strength at twenty-six, rather than the crumpled mess of a pre-teen she had been at the time.

Except for that day.

Sepetember the twenty-fifth.

**There's always some reason to feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day**

_"Susan."_

_"Daddy, where am I?"_

_"You're at the hospital, honey. You had an accident."_

_"Where's Mom?"_

_"Don't you remember?"_

She could have flown a million miles on a plane to get away from that day, but it still wouldn't help her to escape it. Wherever she went, she would still have to face the day. She'd still have to go about her day, pretending that she was okay, to some extend, and acting like she didn't feel as if her world was ending. In all practicality, she'd have to make out that she wasn't going to break with every second that passed, and that was something she'd failed to perfect in the fifteen years that had preceeded that fateful day.

Spending the day at the Baxter Building was a difficult way of doing this. Johnny, Reed and Ben were going to be there; more than likely all day. The latter two would probably spend the whole day watching her like glass with a crack in it; waiting for the inevitable shattering, yet Johnny knew. He knew that she would break, as she did every year, and he knew that no kind words could prevent it. It was simply something that they dealt with when it happened; as all things had been solved after September twenty-fifth fifteen years ago.

**I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release**

_"Your mother...she...she didn't make it."_

**Memories seep through my veins**

She sat on the edge of her bed, silently watching the numbers on the digital clock changing monotously. It was too early to get up. She knew that. The numbers glowed vividly to show that it was, even after a number of restless hours, still only 4.17 in the morning. A small corner of the room was lightly bathed in the faint light that shone from it, but nothing that she would have noticed had she not been staring lifelessly at this patch of light.

**They may be empty, and weightless and maybe**

_"Why did she have to go away, Dad?"_

_"I don't know, Susie...Sometimes, people have to go away. We don't want them to, but we have to. I know that you miss her, and I miss her too, but everything's going to be fine, I promise."_

**We'll find some peace tonight**

She sighed heavily, leaning forwards as she supported her arms on her knees. She dipped her head, covering her face with her hands for a moment, trying to dull the aching in her chest, but nothing helped. Not even sleep, which she had fought for hours ago, and had since surrendered to the insomnia, was coming. Today wasn't like the other September twenty-fifth's. As much of the day that she could pass by sleeping was usually warmly welcomed, even if it was only the extra hour in the morning; yet today, her futile efforts were left unrewarded. She hadn't felt tired in two hours, even though she'd been completely exhausted when she'd dragged herself to bed at only nine o'clock the previous evening. At least she'd managed to sleep for five hours, even though it would be at least two more hours until anyone else started getting out of bed.

She'd lain there one morning, on a rare occassion where she actually welcomed a lie-in rather than wanting to get up early and start her day. It had been the morning after her, Ben and Johnny had officially moved into the Baxter Building three months ago. June 12th, she remembered. The room that had once been only Reed's spare room had then become her own. She'd found herself a lot happier in the room when her own belongings were scattered neatly around her; her own lamp on the bedside table, and she'd been thankful when Reed had moved his own books from the shelving area so that she could put her's there instead. Yet, she hadn't changed the duvet at all. She had brought her own bed sheets, having preffered her own lilac sheets to the beige ones that Reed used for all the spare rooms, but the duvet inside was something that she'd not wanted to change. It was much thicker and warmer than the one she'd had back at her own apartment.

So, burrowed deeply in the bed, her legs curled up by her chest and the blanket wrapped tightly around herself, she'd remained in bed all morning, christening her bed in a more innocent way than bringing someone back to it, like she assumed her brother had done with his. She didn't get up and shower at seven o'clock like she usually did. She didn't then go straight to the kitchen after getting dressed, for her breakfast, usually managing to grab the newspaper before someone dismantled it into several different sections. She just lay there, bathed in the serenity that the large apartment offered so early in the morning.

Reed had been the first one to wake up and start moving around. She'd recognised the shuffling of his feet as he passed her room at six-thirty, on his way to the bathroom. She always knew when it was him, because she recalled the same shuffling noise from when she used to stay over at his, and he would drag himself away from her to shower before work, his tired feet dragging along the carpet a little as he made his way to the beckoning warm water. Ben had, unmistakably, been the next person up, making his way straight into the kitchen. He had passed her room with heavy footsteps, rattling the frames on the hallway walls slightly, even though she could tell from the slowness of his steps that he would have been more alert than Reed, and was clearly trying to make his steps as light as possible. Johnny, however, would have stayed in his room as far as midday had Ben not taken the telephone into him at around nine in the morning, complaining about having to take calls from angry girls who hadn't been called back again. She'd laughed lightly as she heard the heated discussion continue rising in volume until Reed had stepped in, pointing out that Sue was probably still asleep.

**In the arms of the angels, fly away from here**

_"Susie."_

_"What is it, Johnny?"_

_"I miss Mom."_

_"I miss her too."_

She knew that it would be another two hours before anyone was up, even Reed, because she knew he would be the first. He was always the first one up, no matter what time it was. Even when they had been to a celebration the night before, and they ended up drinking well into the later hours of early morning, he would be the first one crawling out of bed at midday, annoyingly not as hung over as the rest of them. Sue was glad for that. She had learnt that if there was ever anything that she needed to talk to him about without the nosy ears of her brother around, that the best time to talk was early morning. There had been many times where they had been the first two people awake, and, on the beautiful summer days in particular, they would have breakfast together out on the veranda area, overlooking the city, no matter how much Johnny complained that they hadn't saved any breakfast for him.

The smaller voice in the back of her mind that reminded her of these times was the one that was currently coaxing her to leave the room. It wouldn't be too much trouble to go into the kitchen, wait for him to arrive there after his shower, and just talk to him for a while, get some things off her chest. It would be even more simple, ridiculously so, for her to leave the room right at this second, and go to his bedroom opposite hers. He would be awake, she knew that. He was always awake all hours of the night, insomnia attacking him on a regular basis because his head was too full of ideas and equations. It was easy. Simple, even. It was probably better for her that she could talk to someone that she trusted as much as she did Reed, or even just to be with someone, rather than just wallowing in her room awaiting the inevitable breakdown that was steadily building up inside of her.

**From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear**

_"Will we be okay without Mom here, Susie?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Promise?"_

_"We have each other. You'll always have me, no matter what."_

Even though it had been fifteen years, it still hurt just as much as it had done after the first year.

_"Why don't you smile anymore, Susie?"_

_"I don't think I remember how to."_

**You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie**

Yet, as easy as she knew it would be to cross the hall and seek out Reed, she never left the room. She sat there for another minute...ten minutes...twenty...thirty...until, before she could realise that two hours had flown by, the familiar shuffles of feet could be heard outside of her room.

She turned her head from where she had been staring at the illuminated carpet. 6.28. Reed was out of bed. The chance for a private talk with him was quickly disappearing, and it was her heart that kept her weighed down to the mattress. As strong as she usually was, no strength of her own could bring her to stand from where she was perched on the edge of the bed. Reed was less than ten feet away, just on the other side of the door, but she didn't have the strength to cross the room, open the door and call out to him. She couldn't bring herself to do it, and when she found herself cursing the presence of unconsciously shed tears on her cheeks, she knew that she didn't want him to see her like that.

**You're in the arms of an angel**

_"He's just upset, Susie."_

_"Why does he get to take it out on me all the time?"_

_"He's your brother, Susan. And even though it might not seem that way all the time, he loves you."_

It had gotten to the point where she felt like no one could say anything anymore. She didn't need to hear that, no matter how much she had always wanted her mother to come back, that her mother was in a better place. She didn't believe the people who told her that things were going to be okay, because in her head, she never saw how they could be. She was gone, when she should have been there. That wasn't right at all.

**May you find some comfort here**

_"Today, he needs his sister."_

_"He doesn't need me."_

_"Yes, he does. You're the closest thing to his mother he has left. Don't shut him away, Susan."_

She waited until she heard the shuffling of Reed's feet on the carpet again, more alert than before, until she rose from her seated position. She stood at the door, waiting once more until she had heard the clicking sound that his bedroom door made when it closed. Then, she creaked open the door, not wanting to wake anyone or alert Reed's attention to herself. Sneaking down the hall, she went into the bathroom, making sure the lock the door behind her. Since many accidents involving showers and not knocking on doors, they had installed a lock on the door, and now, she was more glad for it than ever.

**So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn**

_"Why can't she come back?"_

_"That sort of thing is a miracle, Susan. We all stopped believing that miracles could happen the day she was taken from us."_

_"But what if they could?"_

She chose an empty corner of the room, just beside the sink, and slid down onto the linoleum covered floor. She just needed to be alone for a while, and with people starting to get up and move around the apartment, that wouldn't happen in her bedroom. Someone would come looking for her. Either Johnny, depending on his mood that year, or Reed, because he would always worry about her, and at that moment in time, she didn't want either of them to see her. She'd learnt straight away that crying about it in front of Johnny sent him into a shell which blocked out all help, even if he had been seven years old at the time, and she at eleven.

**There's vultures and theives at your back**

_"Susie, what are you doing out of bed?"_

_"I had a bad dream."_

_"What about?"_

_"About what happened."_

After fifteen years, she could still feel the pain of her mother dying once again. It was something that had never left her, because she could vividly remember each agonising moment in her mind. At eleven years old, she had lived through something that, despite being an act of love to preserve her childhood, had immediately turned her into an adult. She'd been ashamed to admit that, because of living in the daily bustle of the Baxter building, that she'd forgotten about that year's September twenty-fifth, right up until yesterday morning when she had seen the date on the morning newspaper.

**The storm keeps on twistng**

_"It was my fault, Dad."_

_"No, it wasn't, sweetheart."_

_"Yes, it was. I know it was."_

She missed her mother so much. She wanted to talk to her, more than anything. She'd be able to deal with not being able to reach her, as she had done the last time they had seen each other, were it simply possible for them to talk again. She missed coming home from school, wandering into the kitchen to see her mother standing there, halfway through cooking the dinner. She missed how they would talk for hours about the little things; how to cut her hair, what she should wear to the school dance, why she shouldn't let Johnny's teasing upset her, what she had done at school that day...she missed the little things so much.

**You keep on building the lies**

_"Come on, Johnny. We have to go to school."_

_"How will I get home? Dad's working."_

_"I guess you'll have to walk."_

_"Without Mom?"_

_"With me."_

What hurt her the most was that there was so many things that she had missed, that she needed to tell her now. She wanted to tell her mother so many things; about her graduation, how her and Johnny learnt to get along, how she had lived her dream and gone into space. She wanted to explain to her about the new powers that they were still learning how to use. She wanted to tell her how she missed living with someone female. She'd gone from living with her brother and father, to her brother, ex-boyfriend and his best friend. She wanted to tell her how people looked up to her. She wanted to tell her that Johnny had grown up into a wonderful young man, a hero, a saviour, even if he was still as reckless as she would remember him to be at seven years old.

But most of all, she found herself wanting to tell her about Reed. She wanted to tell her about how they had first met, and he'd been so shy. She wanted to tell her about the first kiss they'd shared, where the tables had turned and she had been the shy one as he had dipped her on a dancefloor and kissed her until she felt herself feeling dizzy from the high. She wanted to tell her about the break up, and how they had met again. She wanted to tell her how protective Johnny had been about it. She wanted to tell her how he had stood by her, and, ultimately, stepped in to protect her from Victor. She wanted to tell her about how close they were becoming again.

But she couldn't.

Because she wasn't here.

She hadn't been for fifteen years, and she was never going to be there again.

**That you make up for all that you lack**

_"How are you holding up, kiddo?"_

_"Susie's sad, Dad."_

_"I know she is, Johnny."_

_"Why does she think it's her fault?"_

After the accident, the hospital had pushed her father into taking Sue to a pschiatrist to talk things through. She'd not been fond of this at all, and had been more silent in the shrinks room than she had been at home, were it possible. She'd been warned there that keeping everything inside would mean that eventually, her emotions would overflow and explode out of her in a way which she couldn't control. At the time, she hadn't thought it would happen to her. It wasn't that she was keeping her emotions locked away, it was that she just wasn't talking about them. She was still a child, in reality. She wasn't afraid to cry, she just didn't like to talk about it, because she didn't like to remember it.

**It don't make no difference**

_"Don't get into any trouble today, Johnny."_

_"I didn't do it on purpose!"_

_"I know, but Dad's sad today."_

_"Why?"_

_"It's Mom's birthday tomorrow."_

It had taken a year for her to get back to normal, or as close to it as she could get. After the first year anniversary, she had started to realise that her mother really wasn't coming back; a false hope she had clung to for twelve long months. She started trying to be happy again. She carried on with the life that she had left behind her. She went out at weekends with her friends; she went to the movies, went bowling, went shopping. She picked up her grades in her schoolwork again. She ate her meals, returning to a healthy diet, and she did more exercise by taking up more sports in school.

**Escaping one more time**

_"I'm glad you're smiling again, Susie."_

_"Me too, Johnny."_

She hadn't ignored what happened. She had just put everything else before it, and now, it was working it's way back up to the top of the pile, as it did every September.

_"Mom would want you to smile."_

_"She'd want you to, as well."_

As the years went but, Sue had accepted even more that her mother was never going to be there to share the high points of her life. She hadn't been there on the night of her prom. She hadn't been there when Sue had graduated, or when she got accepted to her first choice college. She wasn't going to be there in the future, when she settled down with someone who loved her, or when she got married, had children, had grandchildren. She wasn't ever going to meet her grandchildren.

**It's easier to believe**

_"You think you're ever gonna get married, Susie?"_

_"I'm only fifteen, Johnny. I'm not getting married just yet."_

_"I think you will. I think you'll have a million kids as well."_

_"Maybe not a million."_

_"A hundred?"_

_"We'll see."_

She had changed so much in fifteen years, that she hadn't felt like the daughter her mother had known for a long time now.

**In this sweet madness**

_"What's the matter, Dad?"_

_"I can't believe you're going to your prom, already."_

_"I'm growing up."_

_"You look even more like your mother than you did when you were born."_

She leaned her elbows on her knees, placing her head in her hands once more as she released another long sigh. The silence around her was exactly what she needed to clear her head, but it didn't do anything to help with the memories that she sometimes struggled to remember. She needed a release. She needed something stop the guilt that racked her every year. She needed to put an end to the darkness behind September twenty-fifth, but she knew that this was never going to happen.

**Oh this glorious sadness**

_"Does it ever get easier?"_

_"You learn to manage the pain, but it never goes away."_

An overwhelming grief knotted in her stomach, and pulled at the heart which was already confused and aching. Luckily, she was already in the bathroom, so when the bile rose in her throat moments later, she merely moved to the other side of the room.

**That brings me to my knees**

_"How do you cope with it all, Susie?"_

_"I don't. It mainly copes with me."_

At tears pricked the corners of her eyes, she drew in a shaky breath, biting her lip to stop herself from crying. She swallowed back the lump in her throat, and replaced her had in her hands. This time, as she raised her arms to catch her head, the sleeves of her bathrobe slipped down her forearms, gathering near her bent elbows. Her wrist caught her attention. She stared at the two faint lines that marked there, which, thirteen years later, were nothing more than almost invisible symmetrical scars.

But they weren't invisible to her, though. Even if her brother, her father, and all of her friends had never noticed them when they had been a furious pink as she continuously hid her wrist up her sleeve. She traced them with her finger, remembering the comforting pain that had come with the cuts on the second anniversary of September twenty-fifth. Sure, it had bled, but with that blood came the release that she had been searching for the past two years. She had managed the pain which had previously consumed her, and she had finally found herself in control of what was happening around her. Twin scars. One for the loss of her mother. One for the memory of her mother's final choice. The first had been inflicted by herself, but the other was inflicted by the crushing of metal against her skin, and had a ragged edge rather than the dead straight scar beside it.

"Sue?"

She dropped her wrist to her side as the gentle voice from the other side of the door broke her hideous memories.

"Sue, is that you in there? Is everything okay?"

It was Reed. The longing which she had felt a while ago, for the comfort that she knew he would provide, returned in full strength, and she pulled herself to her feet. She went over to the bathroom door, pulling back the sliding lock she had secured in place, and opened the door. She was face to face with him immediately, as concern flooded his face.

"Oh my God, Sue." He asked her, his hands coming up to rest on her upper arms, gently.

She bit her lip. "I got sick." She told him weakly, looking over her shoulder to where the toilet lid was still up.

He followed her gaze over her shoulder, and then brought his eyes back to her face. Her cheeks were pale, covered in drying tears, but that didn't surprise him. He remembered from times when they were romantically involved how much she hated getting sick, and the fact that it was September the twenty-fifth made it no help for her. He hadn't read the newspaper or looked at the calender yet that morning, but the haunted look on her eyes told him exactly what date it was. Years on, it still scared him to see such weakness, such pain, in the beautiful blue eyes that usually danced at him.

"Are you okay now?" He asked her, knowing what her answer would be. Her shaking head and silence confirmed this. He nodded slowly. "Can I get you anything?" He asked her, but again, she shook her head, tears forming in her eyes again as he gently rubbed his arms up and down her arms.

**You're in the arms of an angel**

_"Mom...Mom, what happened?"_

_"Susan, don't be scared. Don't be scared, sweetheart."_

_"My legs are stuck. I can't move them..."_

_"Susie, look at me. Don't be scared. Everything's going to be okay. The doctors are here now."_

By now, she was biting her lip to the point where it was painful, and she was sure that she could taste the tangy sensation of blood on her tongue. She bowed her head, screwing up her eyes as she tried to bring herself back into control. Her fight was a losing battle, however, as no sooner had her eyelids closed, she felt herself being pulled lightly.

**Far away from here**

_"Ma'am we need to move you, now."_

_"No, please, get my daughter out. Take my daughter out first."_

_"Mom, what's happening?"_

Reed's arms stretched around her, holding her more securely than he had ever held her before, and her head fell upon his chest as he held her. She allowed her arms to wrap as tightly as possible around his back, but after a moment, they relaxed, continuing to hold him as securely as he held her. She concentrated on the dull thudding by her ear. His heartbeat. The clear proof of life which was presented to her comforted her from the despair of the memorial which never stopped running through her mind. It helped her to know that, even though she was losing control, that she wasn't necessarily on her own.

**From this dark, cold hotel room**

_"Mom, are you okay?"_

_"Susie, go with the doctors."_

_"Mom, is that your blood? Where's it coming from?"_

Sue let out a shaky sob against him, the only one she allowed to escape. She knew that it sounded pitiful, but it didn't stop the gentle "Shh..." that escaped from Reeds lips. She tried to get closer to the heartbeat she was still listening too, but she couldn't go any closer than she already was. As if sensing that she craved more comfort, he raised one of his hands from her shoulder, and brought it to her hair, stroking the sunshine golden locks which hung loosely, as untamed as she was.

**And the endlessness that you fear**

_"Mom...Mom, are you hurt? MOM!"_

_"Okay, we're losing her."_

_"No, get the girl out. She wants her daughter out first."_

_"Mom, don't die! Please, don't die!"_

She took some slow, agonising breaths, finding herself back in control after allowing a single sob to leave her lips. Her arms loosened around his back, and she gently raised her head, finding that Reed's grasp also weakened around her, allowing her the freedom as his limbs returned to their regular structure.

"Sorry." She murmered apologetically, as she caught sight of where her head had been a moment ago. "I got your shirt damp."

He looked down, seeing the small patch on his white shirt which had been slightly darkened by Sue's tears. He didn't care, though, and shook his head. "It doesn't matter." He assured her softly.

**You are pulled from the wreckage**

"I didn't mean to um...I didn't mean for that to happen..." She said, trying to explain why she had just allowed herself to fall into his arms from the comfort that she shouldn't have from the man who's door she walked out of two years ago, even if she was living with him now.

He caught her hands in his as she started to fidget around, and he hooked her gaze. "It's okay." He whispered softly to her. "I know you miss her."

She let out another sob, leaning into the touch of his hand upon her cheek. He understood everything, yet at the same time, he knew nothing. He had seen her break down over the twenty-fifth in the years before now, but he never knew why. He knew that it was anniversary of her mother's death, but he never knew what happened. She'd never been able to tell him. She'd never told him how she died, or why, because repeating those words to anyone brought back too much pain, and she was already feeling enough of it. She was haunted by everything that happened that day, and something inside of her had died the moment that her mother had. She hadn't known it at the time, but she knew it now to be her innocence that they had buried alongside her parent. Of course, it helped her to know that Reed was there for her, and that he understood it, but it killed her inside to know that he was doing all of this without knowing what had really happened that day.

**Of your silent reverie**

_"Susie...Susan, wake up."_

_"Dad?"_

_"Oh, thank God, you're okay."_

**You're in the arms of an angel**

"I...I'm sorry." She repeated, stepping backwards, out of his embrace. The hand that was on her cheek slipped down to his side.

"Sue?" He questioned, when she started to back away from him, and go down the hall.

"I...I need to be alone." She whispered, yet her words reached him clearly in the empty and silent hall.

_"Is Mom okay?"_

_"No, Susan. She's not."_

"Sue, don't-"

"Just leave me alone." She snapped, her voice sounding suddenly harsh and threatening as she disappeared back into her room, shutting the door sharply behind her as she did.

**May you find some comfort here**


	2. Blood Red Summer

**_Thank you so much for the reviews for the first chapter of this story. Reviews always make me happier to continue my stories, and I'm always disappointed when some of my one-shots, specially for Fantastic Four, are little reviewed. It does sadden one :(  
Anyway, for this chapter, I have to thank Emma, my sister, my personal Johnny Storm, for the song recommendations. As always, the italics stand for speech from the past, the normal text is the main body of the story, and the bold text is lyrics from Coheed and Cambria's Blood Red Summer._**

* * *

Long after the door shut behind her, Reed remained in the hall. He stood there, staring at the bedroom door which had shut so abruptly in her absence. Part of him felt hurt that she was rejecting the only comfort he felt he could offer her, but the better part of him understood why she couldn't. This was her mother, the woman who had brought her into the world, and the woman who had left the world without her children. He understood why she wouldn't accept his comfort, because there was no comfort that anyone could give her. Nothing was ever going to take away the pain of her mother dying. He knew that feeling all too well himself.

Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up where it was still damp from his shower. He wanted to help her. He'd always wanted to help her when September 25th came around, but there was so little he could do. Every year held a different reaction from her. One year, she had locked herself in the bedroom all day and refused to come out; another she had gone about her day as normal, only with an expression void of happiness; another she had kept an air of exaggerated calm and content all day until a random comment from her during the mid-afternoon had set her off on an unavoidable yet catastrophic emotional outburst; the final year they had been together, she'd stayed in bed all day, wrapped in up Reed's arms, not saying a single word, neither of them moving. This year, clearly, was the hardest year since the first year she'd spent without her mother. It was an anniversary year, a milestone that she'd been avoiding the possibility of this day reaching.

It was going to be a long day.

He left the hall, opting for the kitchen. He knew that Sue wasn't going to surface for a while, and when she did, she'd avoid him. He felt the need to sigh again, more heavily this time, but he held back. This, after all, wasn't his day for depression. It wasn't a loss of a person that he could mourn. No, he didn't know Sue's mother, who had died long before he had met Sue, but the devastation that his girlfriend suffered on September 25th often left him reeling from the memories she'd tell him of her mother.

In the living room, Ben was sat on the sofa, watching the television. It wasn't terribly loud, but it was louder than what Ben usually set the volume to when he was watching television. The sound of the news reporter was blaring into the room, telling them about a dip in the stock market and an interview with the President about international relations. Usually, if Reed sat down at his side, he'd be genuinely interested in what the President had to say, but today as he fell down against the couch cushions, he found his mind was ruled by Sue's gaunt face and hollow eyes as she innocently muttered "I got sick" as a reasoning for her additional pain.

"You're up early." Reed noticed, when his eyes flickered to the clock in the bottom corner of the news frame. Ben usually wasn't up this early. It seemed to be a typical system. Reed would always be up first, and Sue would always follow him, sometimes jumping in the bathroom the minute he left it, then Ben would surface about an hour after the two of them, and Johnny sometimes three or four hours, closer to midday.

Ben shrugged his large shoulders, and it was still visible in his unchanged eyes that he was a little tired. Nothing that would slow down his day, however, just making him more content with an hour on the couch in front of the television. "Johnny's playing his music loud." Ben said simply. "Had no choice but to get up."

Reed looked towards the hall. Ben's room and Johnny's were directly beside each others. He hadn't heard any music when he had been holding Sue, but their rooms and the bathroom were further down the hall, and he hadn't really been paying attention to the world around him when he had made his way to the living room. Now, if he focused, he could hear the distant sounds of Johnny's rock music sounding through the door. He hoped it wasn't disturbing Sue, because the last thing that either of the siblings needed that day was an argument with each other.

He turned back to Ben, his voice quiet as he spoke, and his eyes sympathetic. "Go easy on him today, okay?"

Ben raised an eyebrow, as best he could with his rock-transfigured brow. "Something wrong?" He asked, his gruff voice instantly pointing out his concern that Reed was genuinely looking out for Johnny, in more than the way he did as leader. No, this was a protective manner, similar to the one he held for Sue; the need to keep away unnecessary pain.

"Today's a hard day for him and Sue." Reed told him simply. Of course, 'hard' was a mild understatement. Today was going to be horrific and heart-wrenching for the pair of them.

"What happens today?" He pried still, more confusing showing in his eyes. He'd not been aware of anything specific happening that day. He turned his head towards the television once again, checking the date on the strap line of the news broadcast. September 25th. He frowned slightly, he didn't remember anything about that date. Nothing stood out in his mind.

"Just...don't push him." Reed settled on, knowing that the last thing they needed was for an emotional Johnny Storm to get into an argument. He was a hot-head as it was, let alone with his emotions no longer under his control.

Ben nodded slowly. Usually it was Johnny who started their arguments anyway, so it would be easy enough for him not to respond to the wise-cracks that weren't going to be there that day. Even if he did make a few jokes about his size like his regular self, then Ben would go easy on him, knowing that it was a hard day. "What about Susie, is she okay?" He asked.

Reed was silent for a moment, remembering again the sight of Sue that had greeted him when she had stepped out of the bathroom, and the way that she had clung to him moments later. She hadn't held onto him like that for a long time. "No." He whispered, shaking his head, before repeating it again, only louder. "No, she's not okay." He ran his hands over his face in frustration as he remembered how un-okay she was, and how he hadn't been able to help her. "She's been awake all night from the look of her; she locked herself in the bathroom for a while because she got sick this morning; and today is the worst day of the year for her."

Again, Ben frowned at his best friend. "Are you going to tell me what happens today, or what?"

----

_"Johnny...Johnny, baby, can you hear me?"_

_"Momma."_

_"That's right sweetie. Are you okay?"_

_"Where are you?"_

_"I'm here, honey, I'm here. Are you hurt? Do you hurt anywhere?"_

_"My arm hurts."_

_"The doctors are on their way, Johnny. They're going to get you out and make you better."_

_"Get me out? Are we still in the car?"_

_"Yes, honey, we're still in the car?"_

**Faint white fingers paint my sleep**

He'd once thought that there was only so much time that you could spend staring at the ceiling before you got bored. However, he had proved himself wrong that morning. For three hours now, he'd done nothing but stare at the ceiling. Thoughts ran through his head; sometimes useless thoughts, like wondering whether the colour of the ceiling was beige or magnolia, and sometimes they were memories, places and lines of speech that had forever been printed into his mind by events that he'd never wanted to live in the first place, let alone have to revisit in his mind a million times over. However, the latter of these thoughts were the ones that took full hold of his mind, as the distinction between colours had to be abandoned when he realised that he wasn't even aware of a different between magnolia and beige.

_"Is Susie okay?"_

_"She's going to be okay, honey, don't be scared."_

**Please don't tell my secrets, keep them hidden**

Once the memories took hold of his mind, he no longer saw the ceiling. He'd stay in the memory, and when he opened his eyes after blinking, he'd instead be staring at the interior of a car. He could remember that vividly, despite being only seven years old at the time. He could remember suddenly snapping his eyes open at the sound of his mothers voice calling him, and wondering why he was so uncomfortable, all the time, looking up at the roof of the car; the grey-like fabric covering the harsher metal interior in the place that he was staring. In other places the metal was showing through, jagged edges of the tough metal piercing through the torn fabric in the front of the car, but he tried not to look at them. If he looked at them, he'd see the two heads of blonde before him, both facing the same direction as he was, and he could only see the very tops of their heads, but it was enough to tell him that his mother's head was moving, and his sisters wasn't.

_"The doctors are here, honey. They're going to get you out."_

_"I want to stay with you."_

_"You can't honey. I'll be with you soon."_

**If the words that matter reach your face from floor**

Then, the memory would fade, and when he blinked for the second time, he'd be looking back up at the ceiling again, wondering whether he was just imagining things, or whether there was a spider crawling around the surface in the darkness. Perhaps it was just a shadow. Either way, he didn't care. He didn't move. He wasn't afraid of the spiders, and he wasn't afraid of the shadows.

He was afraid of being helpless. He was afraid of not being able to do anything.

He was afraid of that day.

_"I don't want to go on my own."_

_"You won't be on your own, Johnny. They'll get Susie out next."_

_"What about you, Mom?"_

**Will you be wondering if, or do I need what is given or honest?**

So, sitting alone in the dark, he'd run through the years in his head right up until that day. He remembered the distant times when his only worries were going to his best friends birthday party and playing out in the streets with the kids across the street after school, right up until the previous night, where his worries had been focused on the family he had rescued from a burning building on his way back from helping Sue with the weekly food shop in town.

_"Mom, don't make me leave you."_

_"Go with the doctors, Johnny. Susie will be with you soon, and then me. I love you."_

**Does it cost me scarring if the words stay true?**

He'd changed so much. Had she seen that?

Had she seen the day that he had gotten rid of his childhood toys, in favour of model cars and bikes that spent hours of his and his fathers time to make with model glue? Had she seen the few toys that he'd been unable to get rid of, tucked away in a box in the back of his closet? Had she seen the way he'd fought against his sisters authority, just as he had done hers? Had she seen the day that he'd first realised he was a natural killer with the ladies? Had she laughed at his exploits with them, both disastrous and successful? Had she seen the days where he and Sue finally got on together without squabbling? Did she see the times where they still did squabble, even if it was only over which cereal to get, and whether fresh or frozen vegetables were better?

Had she seen anything?

_"Johnny. Johnny, son, what happened?"_

_"I'm not in the car anymore."_

_"I know, you're at the hospital. Where's your sister?"_

_"The doctors took her in there. She kept crying about Mom."_

**Even number your nephew, I don't want it, I don't want it, don't want it anymore**

Part of him wanted to believe, more than anything, that she could see him. He'd always firmly forced himself into knowing that she was watching him, like everyone assured him. Part of him believed that the spirit of his mother lived on in the world around him.

But only part of him.

The rest of him was telling him otherwise, especially as he lay in the dark, the first rays of sunlight creeping into his room. If she could see him, that meant that her spirit had remained around them. It meant that she was there, watching over her children. It meant that she was still there. But if she was there, then why couldn't he feel her? Why wasn't he certain that there was a comforting presence in the room? The only presence he felt was that of emptiness, and of memories that he wished he could forget, and others that he'd fight forever to hold on to. If she was there, then why did bad things still happen? She was their mother, and whether she was around them in body or in spirit, it was still a mother's job, a mother's duty, to protect her children, and keep them safe from the evils of the world, whether or not they had grown up by now.

**And when the answer that you want**

_"Mom's okay, isn't she?"_

_"Johnny..."_

_"She'll be at the hospital too, right?"_

_"No, Johnny. I'm afraid she won't be."_

**Is in the question that you state**

If she was protecting them, why did he still fear the monsters in the closet for a further three years after her death? Why did Sue sometimes wake up in the night crying, even when she thought no one could hear her? Why did their father look at photographs for so long, and so intently, that he wouldn't hear his children speaking to him until they intercepted the gaze between his eyes and the photographs. Why? Why wasn't she there all the time?

_"I don't want to go home without Mom."_

_"Your mother can't come home now, son."_

**Come what may**

He sat up, finally throwing the covers off of himself. Sleep wasn't going to come to him now, and neither was comfort from staying in bed. The streaks of morning were sprayed over his carpet through the Venetian blinds, scattering the dawn through the wooden slats. Summer was almost over, with autumn setting in, but in the mornings, it was still bright in the early hours. Almost painfully bright when the blinds had been drawn completely open to allow fresh air into the hot summer bedroom, but that morning, Autumn held domain over the air, and the air was crisp in the room.

_"Susie, are you okay?"_

_"I don't feel well. I want Momma."_

_"I want her too, but Dad says we can't have her."_

_"It just makes me want her more."_

**Come what may**

He didn't bother to get dressed. He was wearing pyjama bottoms and a tank top in bed, and he didn't see the need to get dressed. He couldn't comfort himself alone. He couldn't get through this day alone. He needed his sister. He needed Sue because he knew that when he spoke his reassurances to her, he'd have to believe them himself.

_"Time for bed, Johnny. School tomorrow."_

_"But Mom's not gonna wake me up in the morning."_

_"Susie will wake you up when she gets up for school."_

**In a pain that buckles out your knees**

As he left the bedroom, he immediately heard the two voices of Reed and Ben floating from the living room. He stepped forwards, listening to the first man's concern and the second's worry as they spoke about the date's relevance to the two siblings. He arrived behind them just in time to hear Reed explain: "She locked herself in the bathroom because she got sick this morning, and today is the worst day of the year for her." He knew straight away that he was talking about Sue, if the 'worst day of the year' explanation hadn't told him that, it was the tenderness in Reed's voice.

_"Be kind to your sister, Johnny. Don't fight with her all the time. She's missing your mother too."_

**Could you stop this if I plead?**

"Are you going to tell me what happens today, or what?" Ben asked.

_"What happened, Johnny? Why weren't you at school last week?"_

_"We had an accident in the car. Needed time off for the funeral."_

**So destined I am to walk among the dark**

"Today is the day that Mom died." Johnny announced as he walked behind them. He stood behind the couch, watching as the two men turned around abruptly at the sound of the youngest man's hollow voice.

"Johnny." Reed said, sympathy leaking into his voice, bordering dangerously on pity.

He gave a sad smirk, shrugging his suddenly heavy shoulders, heading towards the kitchen slowly. "You'd think that after fifteen years, it'd get easier." He mused aloud as he wandered.

_"Seven year old boys aren't supposed to act like this. He should be out playing on his bike, refusing to do his homework..."_

_"It'll get better with time, Frank."_

_"Will it? Will my children ever be the same without their mother?"_

**A child in keeping secrets from**

"Are you okay?" Reed asked, almost hesitantly as he remembered the reaction that Sue had given him earlier.

Johnny shook his head, now completely facing away from them as he had passed the couch. "No, but I will be."

"Have you been..."

But he stopped Reed mid-question. He knew what he was going to ask. "I'll go see her in a minute." He answered, his voice more emotionless than saddened, but there was a definite emotion in his voice that wasn't usually there for the thrill-seeking adrenaline-lover.

"Okay." Reed muttered quietly, as Johnny disappeared into the kitchen.

_"Susie."_

_"Yeah, Johnny?"_

_"Can I sleep in your room? I had a bad dream."_

_"What about?"_

_"About Mom and the car."_

**Will they know what I've done in the after?**

Once in the kitchen, he prepared a tray with food on it. He was never really awake in time to share breakfast time with his sister, especially with his constant love for attending every party he had been invited to, but he remembered that she liked simple cereals; a lover of plain cornflakes since she'd progressed onto solid foods. He couldn't ever remember his sister eating the sugar coated cereals that he still loved. However, he wasn't sure whether she'd want the milk-covered cereals that he'd prepared, so he slipped a pair of bread slices into the toaster.

_"What are we meant to do at a funeral?"_

_"I don't know. Are we meant to do anything?"_

**In the sought for matter when the words blame you**

His distraction meant that, for once, he wasn't even in the slightest danger of setting fire to the toaster. On several occasions now, simply adjusting the heat dial would leave them shopping for a new toaster. Today, however, he simply adjusted it to a rather low setting, knowing how fussy Sue was about burnt toast, and he didn't want to piss her off that day. He'd never really been fond of burnt toast, but on occasion where he had been leaving the house ten minutes after waking up, burnt toast was all that was left over for him to eat before school in the mornings.

_"I'm hungry, Susie."_

_"Go and get Dad to start some breakfast."_

_"Dad's gone to work. He didn't make any before he left."_

_"Come on, I'll make you some toast."_

**In a blood red summer I'll give you**

He loaded the then-buttered toast and the cereal onto one of the dinner trays that they kept in one of the bottom cupboards. He also put two glasses of water onto the tray. There had been orange juice and pineapple juice in the refrigerator, but if Sue had gotten sick that morning, perhaps water would be better for her stomach. The last thing she needed was to spend the day in the bathroom with her head down the toilet. She'd only feel worse than she already did, if that were possible.

_"Do you still get sad?"_

_"All the time."_

**I don't want it, don't want it, don't want it**

----

Reed and Ben watched him as he left the kitchen. It was something they hadn't seen before, Johnny preparing breakfast, not only for himself, but clearly for Sue as well. Of course, the siblings didn't fight all the time, but when they did fight, it was usually because Johnny was thinking of himself before others. However, she was clearly about to get a shock from her younger brother when he appeared at her side with breakfast for her.

Ben turned to Reed, completely stunned by the almost zombie-like actions of the Human Torch. "Today is that bad?" He asked quietly.

Reed nodded in confirmation. "It's the fifteen year anniversary."

"Oh." Ben said, frowning a little. "That's bad."

"Trust me." Reed continued, as their heads turned back to the presidents speech on the television, neither of them interested in it this time, "We're going to see a whole other side of them today."

----

He knocked on the door lightly, knowing from past experience that hard knocks against wooden doors often resulted in the smoke alarm blaring out. There was no answer from inside the bedroom, which didn't surprise him, but he was still cautious when he opened the bedroom door. He moved the door slowly, a soft scraping sound filling the room as the wood rolled over the carpet beneath his feet. There, he looked into the bedroom, instantly spotting his big sister.

_"Your grandmothers coming for dinner tonight."_

_"I don't wanna see grandma."_

_"Why not, Johnny?"_

_"She looks like Mom."_

_**What did I do to deserve this?**_

She lie on one side of the bed, curled into a ball as she faced the centre of the mattress. She didn't look up as he opened the door, and didn't even appear to hear him when she softly called her name. Instead, she stared blankly towards the untouched pillow beside her, a limp hand resting on the empty mattress next to her. It was like she was waiting for someone to fill the space beside her, frozen in time until the void was filled. However, Johnny knew that this void wasn't one of a longing to share the bed with a man she loved, but rather, he knew that she was remembering the times she would lie in her bed, and that her mother would come to her side when she cried. Now, however, she had tears on her cheeks, and her mother didn't come to her side. She hadn't come to her daughters side in fifteen years.

_"Susie, wake up!"_

_"What is it, Johnny?"_

_"You were crying. I heard you."_

**What did I do to deserve this?**

He closed the door behind him, making sure that the breakfast tray was still carefully balanced on his other hand. Then, he crossed the room, going to the side of the bed that didn't have his sister's curled body atop the blankets. He placed the tray at the bottom of the bed, and then lowered himself onto the bed beside her. He lay down, mimicking Sue's position, right down to the detail of her hand resting loosely against the blankets, with his own less than a centimetre from hers.

"Susie." He repeated softly, his voice still gentle, yet filled with no emotion. She looked how he felt, an expression that had never had more meaning to it than at that moment.

His closeness when he spoke was enough to bring her out of her trance. Her eyes flickered for a moment, before she was fully aware that her brother lay opposite her. "Johnny." She whispered back, her own voice already on the verge of breaking again.

_"So, Johnny, eight years old. That's a big number. What do you want for your eighth birthday? Something special? How about that new bike you were looking at in the shop?"_

_"I'd rather have Mom back."_

**This?**

A vivid memory crossed his mind; one of the morning of their mothers funeral, the day they had lowered her body into the ground and said goodbye to her forever. He had woken up, and gone into his parent's bedroom, seeking the comfort of his father once he realised what day it was. However, Franklin Storm hadn't been in the room. The bed was already made to perfection as if their mother herself had done the sheets, and his father was not to be seen. However, the smell of the room was what rooted him there. He had smelt his mothers perfume from the open bottle on the dressing table on the other side of the room. So, he had crossed the bedroom, wearing his Superman pyjamas, and curled up on his mothers side of the bed. Less than ten minutes later, Sue had joined him, laying down opposite him and curling up in the same way that he had done. After a minute, Johnny had sniffled slightly, early morning preventing him from having the energy to cry properly for his lost mother. In response, Sue had reached out her hand, and taken it in his own, letting their clasped hands, gripped furiously to each other, lie in the empty space between them; a space that used to be filled by their mother.

_"I wish Mom was here. She'd know what to do."_

**This?**

He reached out his hand, taking hold of Sue's in the same way, three weeks short of fifteen years later to that exact day. Just as he had done to her, she gripped his hand back tightly, fighting back the tears that were still settling on her face from when Reed had held her in the hall. They remained in silence for a while, and he forced himself to remember that they were in a different bedroom now, not one filled with the memories of their mother. It wasn't her perfume atop the dressing table. It wasn't her clothes in the closet. It wasn't her bed sheets. It was Sue's room. Sue's. Not their mothers.

_"Thanks, Susie."_

_"For what?"_

_"For looking after me. Mom would be really proud of you."_

_**What did I do to deserve this?**_

"Heard you got sick this morning." Johnny finally spoke.

She nodded lightly against the pillow. "Just a bit." She admitted weakly, her throat still sore from the effort it had been so early in the morning. "I'm okay."

"You should eat something." He suggested.

"I'm not hungry." She countered.

"Me neither, but the last time you didn't have breakfast you passed out in the street." He pointed out to her.

At that, a flash of a smile crossed her face, but there was no happiness behind the lifting of her lips. "Dad wasn't too happy, was he?" She remembered.

"No, he wasn't." Johnny agreed, also remembering the day where Sue had skipped breakfast and then collapsed in the middle of the mall. "And Reed wouldn't be either if he knew that you were getting sick over not being hungry." He added, although he wasn't sure why he'd brought himself to tell her that. Was he really going to use Reed as a blackmail to get her to have breakfast?

_"What shall we have for breakfast?"_

_"I don't know. Dad's at work and we've got no cereals left."_

_"Marshmallows."_

_"Johnny, we can't have marshmallows for breakfast."_

_"Please, just this once."_

_"Okay, but just because its your birthday."_

**What did I do to deserve this?**

Her eyes flickered with confusion. "Reed?"

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her. "He's really worried about you." He confirmed, remembering the softness of Reed's voice when he had first entered into the living room. "Heard him talking to Ben." He admitted as an afterthought.

Sue was silent for a while, remembering how she had snapped at Reed, telling him to leave her alone. "He shouldn't be so worried." She mused aloud, even though she was contradicting herself with the desperation with she had held onto him.

Johnny squeezed her hand an extra bit tighter, but not too tight that it hurt her. "He loves you, Susie." He pointed out. "Of course he's worried."

She gave him a withering look, pleading written in her eyes. "Can we please not go into that?" She asked him. "Not today. I can't deal with it on top of today." It was hard enough to live under the same roof as Reed as it was, without the constant jabs from Johnny about whether or not they were getting back together. Of course she had feelings for Reed still, and that made it all the more awkward, but she couldn't deal with the mocking weddings plans from her brother and Ben, as well as the rest of the city, that day.

_"Your smiling today."_

_"I'm happy today."_

_"Good. It's good that you're happy."_

**This?**

Johnny gave her a disappointed look, as if he had been waiting for her to scold him for bringing a possible relationship with Reed into conversation, rather than honestly begging him to stop. "You know that today doesn't mean you can't be happy, right?" He told her.

"Johnny-"

"It was never your fault, Susie." He whispered to her, as tears started to well in her eyes again.

"It's always been my fault." She whispered back, fighting her body to prevent the tears from splashing onto her cheeks again.

_"Don't blame yourself, sweetheart."_

_"Yeah, Susie. It wasn't your fault."_

**This?**

Johnny shook her head. "Mom made her choice, and she chose you." He reminded her.

"She could have lived." Sue reasoned.

"And you'd've died." Johnny muttered, as if the mere idea of his sister also not being at her side were so unspeakable. After all, he could remember more of Sue raising him than he could of his mother. "She was a mother." He reminded in her silence. "Would you sacrifice a child to save yourself? Your child?"

She shook her head instantly, the choice not even needing a second thought. "No."

"Then accept that Mom made her choice." He repeated softly.

_"I'm proud of you, son. You're a real hero."_

_"Thanks, Dad."_

_"Your mother would be so proud of you."_

**What did I do to deserve this?**

Sue inhaled deeply, the release of air coming out shakily afterwards. She gripped his hand tighter. "It just...it never goes away, does it?" She realised. Clearly Johnny hadn't been the only one to think that after fifteen years, the loss of their mother might have become an easier burden to bare.

He shook his head. "No." He whispered.

_"Dad? Dad, where's Mom? Is she okay? Why isn't she here?"_

_"Your mother was badly hurt, son. I'm afraid that she died before they could get her out of the car. I'm so sorry, Johnny, my darling boy, but your mother's not coming home with us."_

**What did I do?**


End file.
